guilt

forgotten nights of
blacked out lights,
drunken binges too.
cleared of toxins,
the body begins
its daily functions again.
but the sick feeling
of old fear,
sadness,
guilt
is still here.
my stomach ties itself
in knots.
reminded and told
of what I forgot.

looking back,
with vision cleared
from sober thoughts
and quiet,
I wish that I had never
joined
that endless, partying riot.

they tell the stories
for me
because I now am
ashamed
to say the things I used to see
as happiness
acclaimed,
now seem repulsive,
emptiness.

my innocence
forever
maimed.